So everyone has at some point thrown a sicky. Whether it’s genuine or it’s a blatant lie, very rarely has anyone ever been honest – even the boss. So here are some of the outright lies and total shambolic excuses that I’ve heard to get out of work.

1. I had a violent attack of diarrhoea whilst driving into work.  I had to pull over and nearly got run over in the process of diving out of the car to sort myself out. Needless to say, I won’t be in work until I can get myself cleaned up.
2. I woke up with a headache. The doctor said it probably wasn’t life threatening but I’ve got an emergency cat scan this morning to determine if it’s a tumour or not.
3. My wife/grandmother/grandfather/dog/cat/goldfish etc… died suddenly and I’m the only person in the whole universe who can deal with it.
4. The bath/shower exploded and has flooded my kitchen, which happens to be underneath it. I’m waiting on the emergency plumber as I can’t leave the house in this state.
5. My wife/husband has left me.
6. My wife has left me with the baby/children/dependants and I don’t know what to do.
7. My wife/flatmate/husband’s gone to work and double locked the front door. I have no way of getting out of the house/flat/garden shed.
8. I quit. I’m going to live in Scotland and become a magician.
9. I’m having an affair with your wife/husband.
10. I thought it was Saturday.